The Black Phone [2022]
“Hello?”
From the director released for “creative differences” from Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness and the campy, Sinister, comes a new horror flick that is storming the online reviews. The scariest part about it though, is trying to figure out what it is people like about this droll, forgettable, and ultimately unintelligent thriller.
Think back for a moment to 2013’s Prisoners with its intense characters, suspenseful plot, beautiful cinematography, and the bone chilling line, “They only cried when I left them,” uttered by Paul Dano to Hugh Jackman amidst a crowd of people so only he could hear.
Also remember [or go watch] 2020’s Korean horror film, The Call with its wacky time-traveling-twists that manages to be enthralling, strange, and interesting without ever tripping over its own feet like so many time travel stories do.
If you’ve never seen either of those, just remember any of the various Goosebumps stories instead, and then imagine that some edgy 56-year old director thought it would be hip to make a rated-R version of one with a real-life setting, and then hired a named actor to try and sell the whole thing.
Once you’ve done that, skip The Black Phone and go watch Prisoners and The Call instead. Heck, even throw in some Nocturnal Animals.
I’m astounded in a way I haven’t been recently at the reviews this is getting because it was overacted, uninspired, bland, and boring. You’re better off watching something with worse reviews because it might at least be fun to laugh at.
“That arm is mint!”
