Sept 18 - Sept 24
The Devil’s Candy, God’s Country, As Above So Below, Amigo, Guy Richie’s The Covenant, Super Mario Bros., Extra Ordinary
- The Devil’s Candy [2015] - 63
From the same director as 2009’s nichely acclaimed The Loved Ones comes another horror in the form of The Devil’s Candy. This movie was so droll and forgettable that I literally could not remember what it was when looking at my tracker for the week. A man, possessed by the devil, must sacrifice/ murder children to satiate his hunger. After he kills his family and flees the seen, a new family moves in and the demon begins speaking to the father as the man returns to his killing ground. It’s like… the most cliché horror movie I can possibly think of and it basically never does anything to try and stand out from its tropes. It isn’t bad by any standard this sort of thing is usually held to, it’s just entirely bland and tried. Great poster though.
- God’s Country [2022] - 88
Some of my favorite movies of the last few years have been about the implied background/ meaning of the film’s events rather than what they’re showing you on screen. A Ghost Story is a meditative journey on being present in life rather than simply a passenger, Little Fish is a musing on destiny and the power of true love, My Heart Can’t Beat Unless You Tell it To is a study on the longest title in the world, and Blood on Her Name is a masterful transfiguration of a drama about generational trauma into a crime film. All of these stories show you one thing, but tell you another, and 2022’s directorial debut for Julian Higgins is no different… and no less brilliant. Entire lines go unexplained because their context is so rooted in the cause of the film, subtext is plain and brutal, and the whole thing is a metaphor while also being an entirely compelling narrative. I dock some points because of a few over-explained and preachy moments in an otherwise subtle film, but this is an extremely intelligent movie from a very impressive budding talent and I cannot wait for this team to make more films moving forward.
- As Above So Below [2014] - 74
I rarely take chances on films anymore. I’m a review-score snob and if something is rocking any less than a mid 7, I’m probably going to leave it be. For whatever reason, I decided to jump in on As Above So Below’s giant 28% on Rotten Tomatoes… and I’m genuinely shocked that it holds that rating. This movie is just The Descent meets National Treasure and is just as fun as the latter while being just as tropey and camp as the former. The biggest weakness of the film is it’s adherence shaky-cam, because it tends to break the immersion rather than compliment it. Other than that… this is an entirely serviceable and often totally fun surface-level horror film that should be much more highly regarded. Somehow The Descent holds an 87/76 on RT while this gets a 28/40. I guess The Descent holds the award for coming first… but that hardly means it was better [spoilers, it isn’t in any way… and is in no way an 87]. Similar to 2020’s Underwater, As Above So Below has gotten a very weirdly unfair shake in the ratings world.
- Amigo [2019] - 68
Amigo is one of the more confusing films I watched this week… or recently in general. Confusing not in terms of complexity, but in terms of creative choices, which also makes it one of the most disappointing. When two friends are involved in a devastating car crash that leaves one of them disabled, the other devotes his life to taking care of him. As time wears on, their patience with each other wears equally thin. This is a setup for an incredibly moving drama and meaningful examination of the rigors, selflessness, and compassion that it takes to care for people who can’t care for themselves. These people are no less vibrant, important, or interesting than anyone else, they simply have a much harder go of it. Amigo, however, is billed as a “horror/ comedy”… and I think you can see where the problems arise. The only element of “comedy” I saw was a single scene at the end that was more “ironic” than it was “comedic” and the film is at its absolute weakest when turning toward its “horror” elements. This is all too bad because it’s an otherwise beautiful piece in terms of characters, narrative, and cinematography and could have been a truly poignant and interesting film… Instead it’s just sort of confusing and disappointing.
- Guy Ritchie’s The Covenant [2023] - 57
Relatedly, there’s this movie… A preachy, boring, cheap-looking, and extremely corny attempt at a counter-culture military film. Guy Ritchie is at his best when making frenetic heist-style action-thrillers and really leaning into his style [Snatch, Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels, Sherlock Holmes]… and that’s basically it. Covenant feels like two bros were playing Call of Duty while one watched The Lord of the Rings and the other had on Black Hawk Down, then they made a bet they could combine it all into a single film. There’s lots of walking, lots of shooting, and lots of bad-guys and good-guys… but no tact, flair, or intrigue. It’s got some interesting cinematography to it but the pacing is all over the place, there’s incredibly cheap and corny on-screen text explaining things that should just be conveyed through context, the visual effects look absolutely horrible, and, though it is important in a larger sense, the story is told through such a comically videogame plot-armor way that none of it lands or carries any meaningful weight by the end. This was one that, had I not been watching it with a group, I would have turned off long before it’s insane 2-hour-that-feels-like-4-days runtime.
- Super Mario Bros. [1993] - -
1993’s Super Mario Bros. is a film largely remembered for being truly atrocious drivel that has nothing to do with the game it shares a namesake with. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not about to come in here and dunk on Guy Ritchie then tell you this is some masterpiece… this movie is an absolute mess… but it’s also undeniably a total blast. None of this film makes any sense and none of it fits with any other piece of it, it’s just a chaotic nonsense nightmare of events and characters who all belong in a bad Dungeons and Dragons game rather than something coherent and expensive… But that’s kind of why it works? From Who Framed Roger Rabbit to Harry Potter, the cast of this film is still clearly recognizable and beloved in 2023, the production design was done by David L. Snyder [Blade Runner, Demolition Man], with editing by Mark Goldblatt [Starship Troopers, Terminator 2: Judgement Day], and cinematography by Dean Semler [The Road Warrior, Dances With Wolves]… making this a production team of no small clout. I didn’t give this a number rating because I just don’t know how. In terms of enjoyment? 10/10, this movie is fu**ing absurd. As a film? I don’t know, 3, 5? As I said, it’s absurd. If you’ve never seen this, make the time to. It’s no less insane than anything else from this era and the only reason it’s derided in conversation is because of its title. That said, it [weirdly] follows an almost identical plot [though the motivations are slightly different] to the 2023 trash-film that’s garnered so much critical attention of roughly the same title… But this somehow executes it way better. [Also, Goombas are absolutely horrifying.]
- Extra Ordinary [2019] - 77
Somewhat famously in my private circles, I have something of a dislike for comedies. That’s why I’m always so delighted when one hits me in just the right way and, boy howdy, does this. Extra Ordinary is an incredible debut piece from writing/ directing team Mike Ahern and Enda Loughman, as well as writers Demian Fox and Maeve Higgins. It’s funny, it’s sweet, and it’s genuinely very, very fun. I watched this alone and caught myself laughing and commenting to absolutely no one but my screen almost the entire time. Like most things within this genre, set-up is great and then it sort of lulls as it hits a stride, but the laughs are still genuine and the heart is still true. Where this does fall a little short is that it doesn’t quite stick a few of its landings in overall execution. It’s not quite as sweet as I wanted it to be, and it’s not quite as meaningful or touching either. There were a few moments the film could have really tipped over into something a little heavier, and I wish it had. That said though, this is a riotously good time and an incredibly easy recommend for anyone who likes ghosts, gags, and… I’m all out of G-words. Bye.
